What remains when you stop being human?
Books and Betrayal ā How the KGB and Stasi Turned German Publishing Houses into ColdāWar Weapons
German publishing housesāEast and Westābecame covert battlegrounds in the Cold War. Newly surfaced archives show how the Stasi and KGB infiltrated editorial boards, manipulated manuscripts, and used paper quotas, shell companies and planted āconsultantsā to steer what Germans read. From stateāowned presses in Leipzig to silent equity stakes in Frankfurt, the book trade became an…
Monday Reflection: What Last Week Revealed and What Comes Next
Why Sundays Are Dangerous for Comfortable Lies
The Four Candles of the Last Advent – A Tragicomical Vision in Five Short Acts Revealed unto the Watchers in the Night
by William Shakespeareās unquiet Spirit(through the hand of a faithful scribe in the year of our Lord 2025) Dramatis PersonƦThe SeerFirst Candle ā HopeSecond Candle ā PeaceThird Candle ā JoyFourth Candle ā LoveThe Darkness (a chorus of whispering voices)The Beast (off-stage, roaring) ACT I ā The First Sunday of Advent (Enter the Seer upon a…
āDie AktenflĆ¼sterer ā Ein Stasi-SchmierenstĆ¼ck in drei Aktenš”The File Whisperers ā A Stasi Farce in Three Acts”ā
Die AktenflĆ¼sterer ā Ein Stasi-SchmierenstĆ¼ck in drei Akten, im Stile von GĆ¼nter Grass FĆ¼r berndpulch.org ā Eine groteske EnthĆ¼llung der Schatten Vorwort (im Stil von Grass, fĆ¼r berndpulch.org):Hƶrt her, ihr Wahrheitssucher, ihr SchnĆ¼ffler der Gegenwart, die ihr auf berndpulch.org nach den Spuren der Schatten fischt! Ich, ein Schreiberling im Geiste des alten Grass, lade euch…
āCocaine on a Train: A Diplomatic DerailmentIn the absurdist style of Kurt Vonnegut, with a nod to Dadaist chaosš¤” mit deutscher Fassung
Listen: Emmanuel Macron, Keir Starmer, and Friedrich Merz were on a train to Kyiv, chugging through the Polish countryside on May 9, 2025, to meet the alleged “cocaine enthusiast” Volodymyr Zelenskyy. They were there to talk ceasefires, sanctions, and other grown-up things, but the universeāor maybe just a shaky iPhone cameraāhad other plans. So it…
ā”Muzzled in Brussels: My Summer Internship with the Cabal”by David Sedaris (kind of)š
“Muzzled in Brussels: My Summer Internship with the Cabal”by David Sedaris (kind of) Let me be clear: I didnāt intend to join the global cabal. I thought I was signing up for a vegan cheese workshop in Brussels. The ad said something about “curating narratives and tofu.” But on the first day, they handed me…
š”Upon the Waters: Christ and the Fearful Ship”ā
ā”A Most Modest Proposal for the Betterment of the Global Cabal (With Recipes)”By Jonathan Swift, Updated for the Modern Plutocratš
A Humble Address to the Lords Spiritual and Temporal of the World Economic Forum Most Esteemed and Secretive Gentlemen, It is with the utmost deference to your boundless wisdom and private jets that I, a lowly scribbler of no consequence, humbly propose a Scheme of such exquisite efficiency, it shall secure your dominion over the…
š”The Whisper Beyond the Storm: Elijah and the Language of Godās Silence”š
“The Still Small Voice: On Elijah and the Whisper of God” by Emily Dickinson (as conjured by trembling hands and an open window) There was a wind ā loud, brazen ā and Elijah stood still.There was an earthquake ā the earth in her terrible dance ā and Elijah closed his eyes.There was a fire ā…
š”Today Is Holy”
šToday Is Holy: A Psalm of the Presentš By the spirit of Walt Whitman Today sings, and we sing with it.In the spirit of Walt Whitman, this reflection is a jubilant psalm for our own time ā celebrating the sacredness of every breath, every moment, every soul.Come, read, and rejoice in the holy Now. O…
ā”The Perpetual Dilemma: Why Eternal Life is Natureās Cruelest Joke”By Mark Twain (As Channeled Through a Cynicās Quill)
I. Gentle reader, let us embark on a whimsical inquiry into mankindās most vaunted delusion: the pursuit of eternal life. A notion so preposterous, so dripping with hubris, that even the godsāwere they not already immortalāwould clutch their sides in divine laughter. Picture, if you will, a world where Methuselahās 969 years are but a…
š”The Garden Beyond the Veil”š
āThe Garden Beyond the Veilā A Joyful Easter Story in the Style of C.S. Lewis Jonathan had always thought of death as something cold and gray. He had, in fact, feared it quite reasonablyālike one fears a dark cellar with no light. But that Easter morning, everything changed. He had fallen asleep the night before…
āThe Panzer-Papiere Parody: Or, How Germany Rebooted Its Iron March (With Wi-Fi)šŖš¾
š¤” The Panzer-Papiere Parody: Or, How Germany Rebooted Its Iron March (With Wi-Fi) By Heinrich Mann (If Heād Been Force-Fed Red Bull and NATO Press Releases)Published on BerndPulch.org Chapter 1: The Algorithmic Oberst of Ordnung In the gleaming, glass-clad city of Neue PreuĆen 2.0, where every streetlight blinked with GDPR-Compliant Surveillanceā¢, there reigned Oberst Klaus…
ā”The Farbenreich Fiasco: Or, How the EU and Germany Outlawed Rainbows (And Other Colours)”š¤”By Roald Dahl (if heād been force-fed Brussels sprouts and GDPR regulations)ā
Chapter 1: The Supreme Censor of Farbenreich In a land where the skies were regulation Euro-Greyā¢ and the rivers flowed with Bureaucrat-Brewed Coffee (black, unsweetened, and very serious), there ruled the Supreme Censorāa man with a moustache so stiff it could flagellate dissenters. His palace? The Ministry of Correct Colours, where anything brighter than Compliance…
āš¤”āESHIT: So It Goes: The Return of the Teutonic Peacekeepersā by Kurt Vonnegut sort ofš¤”
In the year 2029, the European Unionāformerly an economic alliance, then a bureaucratic wonderland, and finally an exasperated group therapy sessionādecided it needed a new direction. The economy was in freefall, member states were squabbling like drunks at a wedding, and the Germans, after years of restraint, finally said, āFine. Weāll do it.ā āDo what?ā…
āThe House of Rougon: A Tale of Two Empires by Emile Zola sort of
It was a cold winter in Brussels, much like the last winter in Paris before the fall of Napoleon III. In the corridors of the European Parliament, beneath the grand domes that promised unity, the air was thick with whispered conspiracies and the clinking of champagne glasses raised in fragile toasts. Aristide Rougon, grandgrandson of…
āThe Golden Calf: A Tragedy in Two Acts by Oscar Wilde sort of
ā”The Great Chicken Heist of Calhoun County” by Mark Twain sort of
Now, I have heard many a strange tale in my day, but none quite so peculiar as the one concerning old Jasper McAllister, his prized rooster, and the regrettable events of the Calhoun County Fair of 1887. Jasper McAllister was a man of some repute in our partsānot for his wisdom or virtue, mind you,…
āThe Three Penny Crisis (A 2025 Adaptation of The Threepenny Opera)
A Darkly Satirical Musical in the Spirit of Bertolt Brecht Act I: The Algorithmās Ballad London, 2025āexcept itās not really London anymore. Itās a neon-drenched, AI-controlled, corporate wasteland where wealth inequality isnāt just a problemāitās the entire system. The poor are now called āMarket Inefficiencies,ā the police are privatized, and crime is just business with…
ā”Heller of a Week: Bureaucracy, Absurdity, and the Art of Getting Nowhere”
š¤”āA Modest Proposal: How the EU Shattered on Mount Looser
By Lord Jonathan Swift It is a melancholy object to those who wander through the ruins of Brussels, or the desolate halls of Strasbourg, to behold the scattered remnants of what was once the European Union. A grand experiment in unity, now reduced to a heap of bureaucratic rubble, shattered upon the jagged peaks of…
šāThe Digital Comedy: A Modern Adaptation of Danteās Divine Comedy
Introduction: The Descent into the Digital Realm In the year 2025, Daniel, a disillusioned journalist and former tech enthusiast, finds himself lostānot in a dark forest, but in the overwhelming labyrinth of the internet. His mind is clouded by misinformation, social media outrage, and the numbing void of endless scrolling. One night, after a particularly…
āThe Grandiose Circus of Davos
The Grandiose Circus of DavosBy Bernd Pulch The 2025 World Economic Forum began, as always, with the noble elite descending upon Davos in their private jets to discuss how to save the planet from carbon emissions. Klaus Glucklich, the WEFās venerable chairman, emerged from behind a haze of ethically-sourced fog machines, donning his eco-suit woven…
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