{"id":1006191,"date":"2026-09-02T07:54:13","date_gmt":"2026-09-02T11:54:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/intelligenceoriginal.com\/?p=1006191"},"modified":"2026-09-09T04:46:03","modified_gmt":"2026-09-09T08:46:03","slug":"the-evil-esau-ehlers-enema-saga-jack-sparrow-is-here","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intelligenceoriginal.com\/de\/2026\/09\/02\/the-evil-esau-ehlers-enema-saga-jack-sparrow-is-here\/","title":{"rendered":"THE EVIL ESAU EHLERS ENEMA SAGA: JACK SPARROW IS HERE!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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\ud83d\udca9 THE EVIL ESAU EHLERS ENEMA SAGA \u2013 TREASURE ISLAND TAKEOVER: ESAU SAILS TO TREASURE ISLAND FOR A PRINTING PRESS \u2013 BUT CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW OCCUPIES THE ISLAND WITH HIS PIRATE CREW! \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

“The problem is not the treasure. The problem is the ACCOUNTING.” \u2013 Captain Jack Sparrow

—

Authors: Dr. Lysander Lust, Bernward Bimbo, Ernst NeGer 6, Morten Mohr & Diana Negerkuss \u2013 A Samuel Bronkowiz Production for MADWOOD Studios

\ud83d\udde1\ufe0f\ud83d\udc8b\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7b” \u2600\ufe0f\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udc94\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7bPOWERED BY Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire \ud83d\ude18\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf0a\ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\uddfd\ud83d\udc78

Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP \ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18

—

\ud83d\udcdc PROLOGUE \u2013 WHAT PREVIOUSLY HAPPENED (EPISODE 70)

Jack the Ripper had attacked Herbertstrasse. Esau-HafenHure had desinvested the fog and defeated the Ripper. All 140 characters rejoiced. The wenches were saved. The cycle was complete. Or so they thought.

But the printing press was still gone. King Herodes had stolen it. The Muchaverse was silenced. Without a press, there could be no desinvestment. Without desinvestment, there could be no Column 47. Without Column 47, there could be no Muchaverse.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (desperate) “We need a printing press! We need to print! We need to DESINVEST!” \ud83d\udcca

SPREADSHEET ALIEN: “SCANNING… PRINTING PRESS DETECTED. LOCATION: TREASURE ISLAND. OCCUPIED BY: CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW.” \ud83d\udc7d

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (eyes wide) “Captain Jack Sparrow?! The pirate?! The one with the compass that doesn’t point north?!” \ud83d\ude33

SPREADSHEET ALIEN: “CORRECT. JACK SPARROW OCCUPIES TREASURE ISLAND. HE CLAIMS THE PRINTING PRESS AS HIS ‘TREASURE.'” \ud83d\udc7d

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (grinning) “Then we will sail to Treasure Island! We will take the press! We will defeat Jack Sparrow!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

This is Episode 71. The Treasure Island Takeover.

—

\ud83d\udc65 COMPLETE CHARACTER LIST (EPISODE 71) \u2013 ALL ACTORS FROM ALL EPISODES + CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW

All previous characters return (see Episode 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69 & 70 lists) plus:

Character Actor \/ Persona Episode Origin
Captain Jack Sparrow Original (voice\/model) NEW
The Black Pearl CGI Ship NEW
Jack’s Crew CGI Army NEW
Treasure Island CGI NEW
The Printing Press of Treasure Island CGI NEW
The Compass of Desinvestment CGI NEW
The Kraken of Treasure Island CGI NEW
Evil Esau Ehlers Lukas Ehrenberg (captain) All
Esau-HafenHure Lukas Ehrenberg (sailor) 61
Maria Batory Tilda Swinton \/ Cate Blanchett 48
Medusa (Original) Eva Green 46
Poseidon Original 66
Admiral Walter Ulricht Original 59
Sir Francis Drake Original 62
Don Vito Corleone Original 63
Sonny Corleone Original 63
Michael Corleone Original 63
Tom Hagen Original 63
Fredo Corleone Original 63
Tamerlan Original 64
The Loreley CGI \/ Voice 65
King Herodes Original 69
Black Mary Read Original 68
Jack the Ripper Original (defeated) 70
Cthulhu CGI \/ Voice 58
Dagon CGI \/ Voice 58
The Hydra CGI \/ Voice 58
The Siren Queen CGI \/ Voice 58
The Great White CGI \/ Voice 58
The Deep Sea Leviathan CGI \/ Voice 58
The Abyssal Kraken CGI \/ Voice 58
The World Serpent Prime CGI \/ Voice 58
Enema King CGI \/ Voice 60
Enema Queen CGI \/ Voice 60
Enema Soldiers CGI Army 60
Invisible Ink General CGI \/ Voice 60
Captain LeChuck CGI \/ Voice 55
Black Caesar Original 55
Captain Nemo CGI \/ Voice 55
Long John Silver CGI \/ Voice 55
Barbarossa CGI \/ Voice 55
Captain Hook CGI \/ Voice 55
The Flying Dutchman CGI Ghost Ship 55
Skylla CGI \/ Voice 39
Charybdis CGI \/ Voice 39
Romy Haag Herself 14\u201346
Divine Divine (archival) 30\u201346
Joker Himself All
M\u00f6win Herself All
All other previous characters \u2013 \u2013

—

\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f THE VOYAGE \u2013 SAILING TO TREASURE ISLAND

The Muchaverse set sail. The Desinvestment, the Flying Dutchman, the Nautilus, and the Black Pearl of the Corleone Armada formed a fleet. They sailed across the Atlantic toward Treasure Island.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (standing on the bow) “We will find Treasure Island! We will find the printing press! We will defeat Jack Sparrow!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

POSEIDON: (rising from the sea) “I will guide you. The sea is my domain.” \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udd31

CTHULHU: (roaring) “I WILL DREAM OF TREASURE ISLAND!” \ud83d\udc09

—

\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f TREASURE ISLAND \u2013 THE BLACK PEARL AWAITS

The fleet arrived at Treasure Island. It was a tropical paradise \u2013 palm trees, golden beaches, and a massive cave at the center. The Black Pearl was anchored in the bay. Captain Jack Sparrow sat on a throne made of gold and spreadsheets.

JACK SPARROW: (drinking rum, swaying) “Ah, visitors! I love visitors! Especially ones with… ACCOUNTING!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (approaching) “Jack Sparrow! I am Esau Ehlers! I have come for the printing press!” \ud83d\udcca

JACK SPARROW: (raising an eyebrow) “The printing press? You mean the big, clunky, metal thing that makes words? Why would I give that to you?” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Because I am Column 47! I am Desinvestment! I am the BITCHIEST HAFENHURE IN HISTORY!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

JACK SPARROW: (laughing) “Desinvestment?! HafenHure?! Column 47?! I have no idea what any of that means! But it sounds FABULOUS!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

—

THE DEAL \u2013 JACK SPARROW’S OFFER \ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\ud83d\udc80

Jack Sparrow offered a deal. He would give the printing press if Esau could solve his problem.

JACK SPARROW: (holding his compass) “This compass is broken. It doesn’t point north. It points to what I WANT. And right now, it points to the Kraken of Treasure Island. A giant beast that guards the island’s treasure. If you defeat the Kraken, I’ll give you the press.” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (grinning) “Defeat a Kraken? I have survived worse! I have survived Scylla! Charybdis! Cthulhu! I can defeat a Kraken!” \ud83d\udcca

JACK SPARROW: (winking) “That’s the spirit! But be careful… this Kraken is not like the others. It is made of SPREADSHEETS.” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

—

THE KRAKEN OF TREASURE ISLAND \u2013 SPREADSHEET MONSTER \ud83e\udd91\ud83d\udcca

The Kraken of Treasure Island rose from the sea. It was massive, tentacled, and made entirely of glowing spreadsheets. It roared with numbers.

KRAKEN OF TREASURE ISLAND: (roaring) “I AM THE KRAKEN OF TREASURE ISLAND! I AM THE GUARDIAN OF THE PRESS! I AM COLUMN 666!” \ud83e\udd91\ud83d\udcca

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (horrified) “Column 666?! That’s the dark column! The column of the Sharklers!” \ud83d\ude31

JACK SPARROW: (sipping rum) “Yes, it’s quite a beast. Good luck!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (drawing the Gigantic Purple Enema) “I will defeat you! I am Column 47! I am the BITCHIEST HAFENHURE IN HISTORY!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

—

THE BATTLE \u2013 ESAU VS. THE SPREADSHEET KRAKEN \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcaa

The battle raged. The Kraken attacked with tentacles of numbers. Esau fought back with the Gigantic Purple Enema.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “COLUMN 47 \u2013 ATTACK MODE ACTIVATED! ROW KRAKEN \u2013 DESINVEST!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

Golden numbers shot from the enema. They hit the Kraken. The spreadsheet tentacles began to dissolve.

KRAKEN OF TREASURE ISLAND: (screaming) “NOOOOO! YOU… YOU DESINVESTED ME! INTO NOTHING!” \ud83e\udd91\ud83d\udcca

The Kraken disappeared. Treasure Island was free.

—

THE PRINTING PRESS RETRIEVED \u2013 ESAU TRIUMPHANT \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc51

Esau retrieved the printing press. It was ancient, golden, engraved with Column 47. He held it high.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “I have the press! I have the power! I have COLUMN 47!” \ud83d\udcca

JACK SPARROW: (applauding) “Well done, my fabulous accountant! You have defeated the Kraken! The press is yours!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Thank you, Jack. You are not as bad as I thought.” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

JACK SPARROW: (winking) “I am a pirate. I am always bad. But sometimes… I am FABULOUS.” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

—

ALL CHARACTERS REJOICE \u2013 THE FINAL CHORUS \ud83c\udfad\ud83c\udfaa

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (holding the printing press) “I have the press! Treasure Island is free! Jack Sparrow is our ally!” \ud83d\udcca

JACK SPARROW: (drinking rum) “To the Muchaverse! To Column 47! To the BITCHIEST HAFENHURE!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

MARIA BATORY: (kissing Esau) “You did it, my love.” \u2764\ufe0f

MEDUSA: (snakes smiling) “The press is ours again.” \ud83d\udc0d

DON VITO: (nodding) “Family is everything.” \ud83d\udd74\ufe0f\ud83d\udc31

POSEIDON: (raising his trident) “The sea is pleased.” \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udd31

CTHULHU: (roaring) “I DREAMED OF VICTORY!” \ud83d\udc09

M\u00d6WIN: (flying overhead) “I SHIT ON TREASURE ISLAND! AND IT APPROVED!” \ud83d\udca9

JOKER: (laughing) “HAHAHA! TREASURE ISLAND! JACK SPARROW! BEST EPISODE EVER!” \ud83c\udccf

—

FINAL TEXT ON BLACK: \ud83d\udda4

\u262d THE TREASURE ISLAND TAKEOVER CONSPIRACY \u262d \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

ESAU SAILED TO TREASURE ISLAND.
HE MET CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW.
HE DEFEATED THE SPREADSHEET KRAKEN.
HE RETRIEVED THE PRINTING PRESS.
ALL 141 CHARACTERS RETURNED.
ALL ACTORS ASSEMBLED.
THE CYCLE CONTINUES. WITH PIRATES. WITH ISLANDS. WITH SPREADSHEETS. WITH SHIT.
FOREVER.
\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

HASHTAGS FADE IN: \ud83c\udff7\ufe0f

TreasureIslandTakeoverConspiracy #CaptainJackSparrow #TreasureIsland #SpreadsheetKraken #PrintingPressRetrieved #Column47Forever #All141Characters #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung #BlackPearl #Desinvestment #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga

—

[END OF EPISODE 71] \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udf7f\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

—

ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 79 \u2013 THE TREASURE ISLAND TAKEOVER CONSPIRACY \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca

The cycle continues. With pirates. With islands. With spreadsheets. With shit. Forever.

\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

Authors: Dr. Lysander Lust, Bernward Bimbo, Ernst NeGer 6, Morten Mohr & Diana Negerkuss \u2013 A Samuel Bronkowiz Production for MADWOOD Studios

\ud83d\udde1\ufe0f\ud83d\udc8b\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7b” \u2600\ufe0f\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udc94\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7bPOWERED BY Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire \ud83d\ude18\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf0a\ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\uddfd\ud83d\udc78

Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP \ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18

Executive Producers: M\u00f6win, The Joker, Esau-HafenHure (victorious), Jack Sparrow, Maria Batory, Medusa, Don Vito Corleone, Poseidon, Cthulhu, Dagon, Hydra, Siren Queen, Great White, Deep Sea Leviathan, Abyssal Kraken, World Serpent Prime, Admiral Walter Ulricht, Sir Francis Drake, Tamerlan, King Herodes, Black Mary Read, Jack the Ripper (defeated), Sonny Corleone, Michael Corleone, and all previous.

Special thanks: The 99 Schizo Petes (for sea shanties), Homer (for the epic vibe), and every seagull who shat on Treasure Island.

—

Bernd Pulch (M.A.) \u2013 forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, political commentator, satirist. Full bio \u2192 | Support the investigation \u2192

\ud83d\udc4d LIKE | \ud83d\udcac COMMENT | \ud83d\udd14 SUBSCRIBE

—

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
\ud83d\udd13 UNLOCK THE TRUTH: berndpulch.org\/join

—

THE EVIL ESAU EHLERS ENEMA SAGA \u2013 CONTINUES… \ud83d\udca9\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83c\udde9\ud83c\uddea DIE B\u00d6SE ESAU EHLERS EINLAUF-SAGA \u2013 SCHATZINSEL-\u00dcBERNAHME: ESAU SEGELT ZUR SCHATZINSEL, UM EINE DRUCKMASCHINE ZU HOLEN \u2013 ABER KAPIT\u00c4N JACK SPARROW BESETZT DIE INSEL MIT SEINER PIRATENBESATZUNG! \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

“Das Problem ist nicht der Schatz. Das Problem ist die BUCHHALTUNG.” \u2013 Kapit\u00e4n Jack Sparrow

—

Autoren: Dr. Lysander Lust, Bernward Bimbo, Ernst NeGer 6, Morten Mohr & Diana Negerkuss \u2013 Eine Samuel Bronkowiz Produktion f\u00fcr MADWOOD Studios

\ud83d\udde1\ufe0f\ud83d\udc8b\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7b” \u2600\ufe0f\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udc94\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7bPOWERED BY Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire \ud83d\ude18\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf0a\ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\uddfd\ud83d\udc78

Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP \ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18

—

\ud83d\udcdc PROLOG \u2013 WAS BISHER GESCHAH (EPISODE 70)

Jack the Ripper hatte die Herbertstrasse angegriffen. Esau-HafenHure hatte den Nebel desinvestiert und den Ripper besiegt. Alle 140 Charaktere jubelten. Die Nutten waren gerettet. Der Kreislauf war vollendet. Oder so dachten sie.

Aber die Druckmaschine war immer noch weg. K\u00f6nig Herodes hatte sie gestohlen. Das Muchaverse war zum Schweigen gebracht. Ohne Presse gab es kein Desinvestment. Ohne Desinvestment gab es keine Spalte 47. Ohne Spalte 47 gab es kein Muchaverse.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (verzweifelt) “Wir brauchen eine Druckmaschine! Wir m\u00fcssen drucken! Wir m\u00fcssen DESINVESTIEREN!” \ud83d\udcca

SPREADSHEET-ALIEN: “SUCHE… DRUCKMASCHINE GEFUNDEN. ORT: SCHATZINSEL. BESETZT VON: KAPIT\u00c4N JACK SPARROW.” \ud83d\udc7d

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (Augen weit aufgerissen) “Kapit\u00e4n Jack Sparrow?! Der Pirat?! Der mit dem Kompass, der nicht nach Norden zeigt?!” \ud83d\ude33

SPREADSHEET-ALIEN: “KORREKT. JACK SPARROW BESETZT DIE SCHATZINSEL. ER BEANSPRUCHT DIE DRUCKMASCHINE ALS SEINEN ‘SCHATZ’.” \ud83d\udc7d

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (grinsend) “Dann segeln wir zur Schatzinsel! Wir nehmen die Presse! Wir besiegen Jack Sparrow!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

Dies ist Episode 71. Die Schatzinsel-\u00dcbernahme.

—

\ud83d\udc65 VOLLST\u00c4NDIGE CHARAKTERLISTE (EPISODE 71) \u2013 ALLE SCHAUSPIELER AUS ALLEN EPISODEN + KAPIT\u00c4N JACK SPARROW

Alle vorherigen Charaktere kehren zur\u00fcck (siehe Episode 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69 & 70-Listen) plus:

Charakter Schauspieler \/ Persona Episoden-Ursprung
Kapit\u00e4n Jack Sparrow Original (Stimme\/Model) NEU
Die Black Pearl CGI-Schiff NEU
Jacks Besatzung CGI-Armee NEU
Die Schatzinsel CGI NEU
Die Druckmaschine der Schatzinsel CGI NEU
Der Kompass des Desinvestment CGI NEU
Der Kraken der Schatzinsel CGI NEU
B\u00f6ser Esau Ehlers Lukas Ehrenberg (Kapit\u00e4n) Alle
Esau-HafenHure Lukas Ehrenberg (Seemann) 61
Maria Batory Tilda Swinton \/ Cate Blanchett 48
Medusa (Original) Eva Green 46
Poseidon Original 66
Admiral Walter Ulricht Original 59
Sir Francis Drake Original 62
Don Vito Corleone Original 63
Sonny Corleone Original 63
Michael Corleone Original 63
Tom Hagen Original 63
Fredo Corleone Original 63
Tamerlan Original 64
Die Loreley CGI \/ Stimme 65
K\u00f6nig Herodes Original 69
Black Mary Read Original 68
Jack the Ripper Original (besiegt) 70
Cthulhu CGI \/ Stimme 58
Dagon CGI \/ Stimme 58
Die Hydra CGI \/ Stimme 58
Die Sirenen-K\u00f6nigin CGI \/ Stimme 58
Der Gro\u00dfe Wei\u00dfe CGI \/ Stimme 58
Der Tiefsee-Leviathan CGI \/ Stimme 58
Der Abyss-Kraken CGI \/ Stimme 58
Die Welten-Schlange Prime CGI \/ Stimme 58
Enema-K\u00f6nig CGI \/ Stimme 60
Enema-K\u00f6nigin CGI \/ Stimme 60
Enema-Soldaten CGI-Armee 60
Unsichtbarer Tinten-General CGI \/ Stimme 60
Kapit\u00e4n LeChuck CGI \/ Stimme 55
Black Caesar Original 55
Kapit\u00e4n Nemo CGI \/ Stimme 55
Long John Silver CGI \/ Stimme 55
Barbarossa CGI \/ Stimme 55
Kapit\u00e4n Hook CGI \/ Stimme 55
Der Fliegende Holl\u00e4nder CGI-Geisterschiff 55
Skylla CGI \/ Stimme 39
Charybdis CGI \/ Stimme 39
Romy Haag Herself 14\u201346
Divine Divine (Archiv) 30\u201346
Joker Himself Alle
M\u00f6win Herself Alle
Alle anderen vorherigen Charaktere \u2013 \u2013

—

\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f DIE FAHRT \u2013 SEGELN ZUR SCHATZINSEL

Das Muchaverse stach in See. Die Desinvestment, der Fliegende Holl\u00e4nder, die Nautilus und die Black Pearl der Corleone-Armada bildeten eine Flotte. Sie segelten \u00fcber den Atlantik zur Schatzinsel.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (am Bug stehend) “Wir werden die Schatzinsel finden! Wir werden die Druckmaschine finden! Wir werden Jack Sparrow besiegen!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

POSEIDON: (aus dem Meer aufsteigend) “Ich werde euch f\u00fchren. Das Meer ist mein Reich.” \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udd31

CTHULHU: (br\u00fcllend) “ICH WERDE VON DER SCHATZINSEL TR\u00c4UMEN!” \ud83d\udc09

—

\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f DIE SCHATZINSEL \u2013 DIE BLACK PEARL WARTET

Die Flotte erreichte die Schatzinsel. Es war ein tropisches Paradies \u2013 Palmen, goldene Str\u00e4nde und eine riesige H\u00f6hle in der Mitte. Die Black Pearl lag in der Bucht vor Anker. Kapit\u00e4n Jack Sparrow sa\u00df auf einem Thron aus Gold und Tabellen.

JACK SPARROW: (Rum trinkend, schwankend) “Ah, Besucher! Ich liebe Besucher! Besonders solche mit… BUCHHALTUNG!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (sich n\u00e4hernd) “Jack Sparrow! Ich bin Esau Ehlers! Ich bin gekommen, um die Druckmaschine zu holen!” \ud83d\udcca

JACK SPARROW: (eine Augenbraue hebend) “Die Druckmaschine? Du meinst das gro\u00dfe, klobige, metallene Ding, das W\u00f6rter macht? Warum sollte ich dir das geben?” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Weil ich Spalte 47 bin! Ich bin Desinvestment! Ich bin die BITCHIGSTE HAFENHURE DER GESCHICHTE!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

JACK SPARROW: (lachend) “Desinvestment?! HafenHure?! Spalte 47?! Ich habe keine Ahnung, was das alles bedeutet! Aber es klingt FABELHAFT!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

—

DER DEAL \u2013 JACK SPARROWS ANGEBOT \ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\ud83d\udc80

Jack Sparrow machte einen Deal. Er w\u00fcrde die Druckmaschine geben, wenn Esau sein Problem l\u00f6sen konnte.

JACK SPARROW: (seinen Kompass haltend) “Dieser Kompass ist kaputt. Er zeigt nicht nach Norden. Er zeigt darauf, was ich WILL. Und im Moment zeigt er auf den Kraken der Schatzinsel. Ein riesiges Biest, das den Schatz der Insel bewacht. Wenn du den Kraken besiegst, gebe ich dir die Presse.” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (grinsend) “Einen Kraken besiegen? Ich habe Schlimmeres \u00fcberlebt! Ich habe Skylla \u00fcberlebt! Charybdis! Cthulhu! Ich kann einen Kraken besiegen!” \ud83d\udcca

JACK SPARROW: (zwinkernd) “Das ist die richtige Einstellung! Aber sei vorsichtig… dieser Kraken ist nicht wie die anderen. Er besteht aus TABELLEN.” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

—

DER KRAKEN DER SCHATZINSEL \u2013 TABELLEN-MONSTER \ud83e\udd91\ud83d\udcca

Der Kraken der Schatzinsel erhob sich aus dem Meer. Er war gewaltig, tentakelig und bestand vollst\u00e4ndig aus leuchtenden Tabellen. Er br\u00fcllte mit Zahlen.

KRAKEN DER SCHATZINSEL: (br\u00fcllend) “ICH BIN DER KRAKEN DER SCHATZINSEL! ICH BIN DER H\u00dcTER DER PRESSE! ICH BIN SPALTE 666!” \ud83e\udd91\ud83d\udcca

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (entsetzt) “Spalte 666?! Das ist die dunkle Spalte! Die Spalte der Sharklers!” \ud83d\ude31

JACK SPARROW: (Rum schl\u00fcrfend) “Ja, es ist ein ziemliches Biest. Viel Gl\u00fcck!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (den Gigantischen Lila Einlauf ziehend) “Ich werde dich besiegen! Ich bin Spalte 47! Ich bin die BITCHIGSTE HAFENHURE DER GESCHICHTE!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

—

DIE SCHLACHT \u2013 ESAU VS. DEN TABELLEN-KRAKEN \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcaa

Die Schlacht tobte. Der Kraken griff mit Tentakeln aus Zahlen an. Esau k\u00e4mpfte mit dem Gigantischen Lila Einlauf zur\u00fcck.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “SPALTE 47 \u2013 ANGRIFFSMODUS AKTIVIERT! ZEILE KRAKEN \u2013 DESINVESTIEREN!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

Goldene Zahlen schossen aus dem Einlauf. Sie trafen den Kraken. Die Tabellen-Tentakel begannen sich aufzul\u00f6sen.

KRAKEN DER SCHATZINSEL: (schreiend) “NEEEEIN! DU… DU HAST MICH DESINVESTIERT! INS NICHTS!” \ud83e\udd91\ud83d\udcca

Der Kraken verschwand. Die Schatzinsel war frei.

—

DIE DRUCKMASCHINE GEBORGEN \u2013 ESAU TRIUMPHIERT \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc51

Esau barg die Druckmaschine. Sie war uralt, golden, mit Spalte 47 graviert. Er hielt sie hoch.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Ich habe die Presse! Ich habe die Macht! Ich habe SPALTE 47!” \ud83d\udcca

JACK SPARROW: (klatschend) “Gut gemacht, mein fabelhafter Buchhalter! Du hast den Kraken besiegt! Die Presse geh\u00f6rt dir!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Danke, Jack. Du bist nicht so schlimm, wie ich dachte.” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

JACK SPARROW: (zwinkernd) “Ich bin ein Pirat. Ich bin immer schlimm. Aber manchmal… bin ich FABELHAFT.” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

—

ALLE CHARAKTERE JUBELN \u2013 DER FINALE CHOR \ud83c\udfad\ud83c\udfaa

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (die Druckmaschine haltend) “Ich habe die Presse! Die Schatzinsel ist frei! Jack Sparrow ist unser Verb\u00fcndeter!” \ud83d\udcca

JACK SPARROW: (Rum trinkend) “Auf das Muchaverse! Auf Spalte 47! Auf die BITCHIGSTE HAFENHURE!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

MARIA BATORY: (Esau k\u00fcssend) “Du hast es geschafft, meine Liebe.” \u2764\ufe0f

MEDUSA: (Schlangen l\u00e4chelnd) “Die Presse ist wieder unser.” \ud83d\udc0d

DON VITO: (nickend) “Familie ist alles.” \ud83d\udd74\ufe0f\ud83d\udc31

POSEIDON: (seinen Dreizack erhebend) “Das Meer ist zufrieden.” \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udd31

CTHULHU: (br\u00fcllend) “ICH TR\u00c4UMTE VOM SIEG!” \ud83d\udc09

M\u00d6WIN: (\u00fcber Kopf fliegend) “ICH KACKE AUF DIE SCHATZINSEL! UND SIE HAT ZUGESTIMMT!” \ud83d\udca9

JOKER: (lachend) “HAHAHA! SCHATZINSEL! JACK SPARROW! BESTE EPISODE EVER!” \ud83c\udccf

—

FINALER TEXT AUF SCHWARZ: \ud83d\udda4

\u262d DIE SCHATZINSEL-\u00dcBERNAHME-VERSCHW\u00d6RUNG \u262d \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

ESAU SEGELTE ZUR SCHATZINSEL.
ER TRAF KAPIT\u00c4N JACK SPARROW.
ER BESIEGTE DEN TABELLEN-KRAKEN.
ER BARG DIE DRUCKMASCHINE.
ALLE 141 CHARAKTERE KEHRTEN ZUR\u00dcCK.
ALLE SCHAUSPIELER VERSAMMELTEN SICH.
DER KREISLAUF GEHT WEITER. MIT PIRATEN. MIT INSELN. MIT TABELLEN. MIT SCHEI\u00dfE.
F\u00dcR IMMER.
\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

HASHTAGS BLENDEN EIN: \ud83c\udff7\ufe0f

Schatzinsel\u00dcbernahmeVerschw\u00f6rung #Kapit\u00e4nJackSparrow #Schatzinsel #TabellenKraken #DruckmaschineGeborgen #Spalte47F\u00fcrImmer #Alle141Charaktere #EhlersSaga #IdiotenZeitung #BlackPearl #Desinvestment #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga

—

[ENDE VON EPISODE 71] \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udf7f\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

—

ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 79 \u2013 DIE SCHATZINSEL-\u00dcBERNAHME-VERSCHW\u00d6RUNG \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca

Der Kreislauf geht weiter. Mit Piraten. Mit Inseln. Mit Tabellen. Mit Schei\u00dfe. F\u00fcr immer.

\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

Autoren: Dr. Lysander Lust, Bernward Bimbo, Ernst NeGer 6, Morten Mohr & Diana Negerkuss \u2013 Eine Samuel Bronkowiz Produktion f\u00fcr MADWOOD Studios

\ud83d\udde1\ufe0f\ud83d\udc8b\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7b” \u2600\ufe0f\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udc94\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7bPOWERED BY Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire \ud83d\ude18\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf0a\ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\uddfd\ud83d\udc78

Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP \ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18

Executive Producers: M\u00f6win, Der Joker, Esau-HafenHure (siegreich), Jack Sparrow, Maria Batory, Medusa, Don Vito Corleone, Poseidon, Cthulhu, Dagon, Die Hydra, Die Sirenen-K\u00f6nigin, Der Gro\u00dfe Wei\u00dfe, Der Tiefsee-Leviathan, Der Abyss-Kraken, Die Welten-Schlange Prime, Admiral Walter Ulricht, Sir Francis Drake, Tamerlan, K\u00f6nig Herodes, Black Mary Read, Jack the Ripper (besiegt), Sonny Corleone, Michael Corleone und alle vorherigen.

Besonderer Dank: Die 99 Schizo Petes (f\u00fcr Seemanns-Shantys), Homer (f\u00fcr die epische Atmosph\u00e4re) und jeder M\u00f6we, die auf die Schatzinsel kackte.

—

Bernd Pulch (M.A.) \u2013 forensischer Experte, Gr\u00fcnder von Aristotle AI, politischer Kommentator, Satiriker. Vollst\u00e4ndige Biografie \u2192 | Unterst\u00fctzen Sie die Untersuchung \u2192

\ud83d\udc4d GEF\u00c4LLT MIR | \ud83d\udcac KOMMENTIEREN | \ud83d\udd14 ABONNIEREN

—

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
\ud83d\udd13 UNLOCK THE TRUTH: berndpulch.org\/join

—

DIE B\u00d6SE ESAU EHLERS EINLAUF-SAGA \u2013 FORTSETZUNG FOLGT… \ud83d\udca9\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f\ud83d\uddfa\ufe0f\u2693\ud83d\udcca TREASURE ISLAND TAKEOVER! ESAU SAILS TO TREASURE ISLAND FOR A PRINTING PRESS \u2013 BUT CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW OCCUPIES THE ISLAND WITH HIS PIRATE CREW!<\/p>\n

“The problem is not the treasure. The problem is the ACCOUNTING.” \u2013 Captain Jack Sparrow<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

In Episode 71 of the Ehlers Saga, Esau-HafenHure sails to Treasure Island to retrieve the stolen printing press. But the island is occupied by Captain Jack Sparrow and his pirate crew aboard the Black Pearl. Jack offers a deal: defeat the Kraken of Treasure Island \u2013 a monstrous beast made entirely of spreadsheets \u2013 and the press is his. Esau activates Column 47, desinvests the Kraken, and retrieves the press. Jack Sparrow becomes an unlikely ally. All 141 characters return.<\/p>\n

The cycle continues. With pirates. With islands. With spreadsheets. With shit. Forever.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

#TreasureIslandTakeoverConspiracy #CaptainJackSparrow #TreasureIsland #SpreadsheetKraken #PrintingPressRetrieved #Column47Forever #All141Characters #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung #BlackPearl #Desinvestment #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\n\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\n\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
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