DR. Z – EPISODE 134: “DON AL DENTE – THE EU SUPER COMMISSIONER AND THE REGULATION OF EVERYTHING” 🇪🇺🍝📜
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BY BERNWARD BIMBO, ERNST NEGER 6, MORTEN MOHR & DIANA NEGERKUSS – A SAMUEL BRONKOWIZ PRODUCTION FOR MADWOOD STUDIO
—
Haftungsausschluss / Disclaimer
All characters, names, events, and depictions are entirely fictional and products of absurd, satirical, AI-generated storytelling. Don Al Dente is an invented character. He is not a real person and never has been. He has no connection to real persons, to the European Union, to real institutions, to real commissioners, to real agencies, or to real officeholders. The portrayal draws exclusively on fictional clichés of bureaucratic overregulation. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental, unintentional, and probably offensive. This is not EU criticism, not political analysis, and not a treatment of real administration. It is a steaming bowl of regulatory idiocy, garnished with pecorino, directives, and false jurisdiction.
—
COMPLETE CAST
(200+ idiots from all previous episodes plus Don Al Dente and the EU Super Commission)
THE CORE TEAM
· Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler (Dr. Z) – Michael Fassbender 🧠🌱🍝🇪🇺
Barber, time-tunnel idiot, Bundeswehr catering site, administrative partner of Hannover, and now — as of 09:15 this morning — subject to Directive 134/EC on the Harmonisation of Tuesday. Has not read the Directive. Will not read the Directive.
· Janelle Varon – Zendaya 💻📉🇪🇺
EU Compliance Officer. Spreadsheet 134-E: “Directives Received (1,347),” “Directives Read (0),” “Transition Periods Expired (1,347),” “Probability Dr. Z Is Fined Before Lunch (100%).”
· Markus Ehlers – Dev Patel 🛡️💔🇪🇺
Head of Security, now also “Contact Point for EU Affairs.” Has been issued a lanyard. Has been issued a second lanyard. Nobody can explain the second lanyard.
· Salome Volkov – Anya Taylor-Joy 💋🔪🇪🇺
Pattern Recognition. Algorithm: “100% chance of overregulation. 100% chance of exemption for pasta. 100% chance that the exemption for pasta is itself regulated by a separate directive.”
PENNY (EU COMPLIANCE CHRONICLER)
· Penny Spectra – 🌈📓🇪🇺
Writes everything down while muttering, “This is the first Tuesday where the villain is a footnote.”
THE SCHNACKSELBURGER TWINS (BOTH SIDES, ALWAYS)
· Sylvia Schnackselburger – Monica Bellucci 👑🌌🇪🇺
EU-certified baker. Pretzels shaped like tiny stars in a circle. “The pretzel is the circle of twelve. The salt is the salt of the single market.”
· Susan Schnackselburger – Monica Bellucci 👑🌌🇪🇺
Uncertified baker, secretly supplying both. “Baguettes: long, unregulated, and technically an infringement.”
THE COSMIC AUDIENCE (IN EU BLUE AND BUREAUCRATIC GOLD)
· Lady Salacia – Angelina Jolie 💋👑🌌🇪🇺
· Dietrich – Wolf Kahler type 🥨🇩🇪🇪🇺
· Lord Scorchio – Antonio Banderas 🔥👾🇪🇺
· Lucinda – Sydney Sweeney 💫👑🇪🇺
· High Priestess Voluptua – Salma Hayek 👑🔥🇪🇺
THE HISTORICAL / SEMI-HISTORICAL FREAK SHOW
· Clara Petacci – Penélope Cruz 🇮🇹🍝🇪🇺
The Chef. Has been informed that carbonara is now subject to Directive 134/EC/A. Has responded by continuing to cook. This has been logged as a formal non-compliance.
· Ilsa, the She-Wolf – Diane Kruger 🐺👠🌌🇪🇺
Triple agent (EU Commission, Hannover administration, and the Swiss cheese cartel, which has filed a formal objection to the single market because it would end its monopoly).
· Dona – 🧠💔🎂🇪🇺
· Magda – 🧠💔🌈🇪🇺
THE WALTZ ARMY (all played by Christoph Waltz, all now with EU job titles, none of them elected)
· Klaus Schwab – Christoph Waltz 👔🐉🇪🇺
Has been appointed “Special Envoy for Regulatory Value Creation.” Has immediately begun selling “Directive Futures” and “sustainable compliance derivatives.” Has been told the Directive is not yet in force. Has offered to write it.
· Eckhardt – Christoph Waltz 🧙♂️🔮🇪🇺
Read the entrails of a Directive. “It says: ‘Article 47, Paragraph 3, Sub-Paragraph 12.’ It does not say what it means. It has been ratified anyway. I have filed it under ‘Brussels.’”
· Archivist – Christoph Waltz 👻📁🐀🇪🇺
Indexing the EU. File 134-E. Note: “The EU has 1,347 Directives. The Hub has 1. Remus Remu had 0. I am now certain the fixer was the more efficient institution. I will not be writing this down in the official file either.”
· Sub-Routine Schmidt – Christoph Waltz 🚀👃🇪🇺
“Historically, every overregulation produces an exemption. Every exemption produces a new regulation. Every new regulation produces a new commission. I am providing context. Nobody asked. This is my function.”
· The Gray Mercedes (voice) – Christoph Waltz & James Spader 🚀🌌🇪🇺
“I HAVE BEEN CLASSIFIED AS A VEHICLE UNDER DIRECTIVE 134/EC. I AM ALSO CLASSIFIED AS A MEDIUM UNDER DIRECTIVE 131/EC. I AM ALSO CLASSIFIED AS A CHEESE UNDER DIRECTIVE 128/EC. I AM NONE OF THESE THINGS. I AM A CAR.”
· Hans Landa – Christoph Waltz 🕵️♂️📚🇪🇺
Has written a 134-minute speech on milk, cheese, and the principle of subsidiarity. Has been informed that the speech must be submitted in all 24 official languages of the European Union. Has submitted it in three. The remaining 21 are pending. He is not angry. He is patient. He is also very close to crying for the first time in 134 episodes.
THE CLOWNS & KINGS
· Bozo the Clown – Jim Carrey 🤡🎈🇪🇺
Has been informed that his honk violates Directive 134/EC/Noise. Has honked. Has been fined. Has honked again. Has been fined again. The fines have now exceeded the Hub’s annual budget. The Commission has offered him an exemption. He has refused the exemption. Nobody knows why. He knows why. He is not telling.
· Dr. Z (Sentient Carbonara) – 🍝💕🇪🇺
· King Zog – Danny DeVito 👑👽🇪🇺
· Queen Zogette – Whoopi Goldberg 👑👽🇪🇺
THE FOUNDERS & ADMINISTRATORS
· Thomas Torten-Fotzenplotz – Lars Eidinger 🎂📝🐀🇪🇺
Has found his life’s work. Has been appointed “National Implementation Officer for Form Harmonisation.” Has prepared 1,347 forms. Has been informed that only 1 form is required. Has submitted all 1,347 anyway. Has been informed that this is now itself a form violation. He has prepared a form about it. The Commission has stopped answering his calls.
· Muddy Murky Mucha – Tilda Swinton 🌫️👑📜🇪🇺
Has knitted the EU flag. Correctly. Exactly twelve stars in a circle. It is the first artefact in the series that the Commission has accepted without amendment. She has been awarded a certificate. The certificate has 40 pages. She has not read it.
· The Sentient Spoon – 🥄🇪🇺
Has been classified as a “regulated cutlery item.” Has been asked to register. Has registered. Has been asked to register again. Has registered again. Is now registered twice. Is now in violation of Directive 134/EC/Double-Registration.
· The Crying Robot – 🤖💒🇪🇺
Has been classified as a “regulated emotional broadcast device.” Weeps harder. Is fined. Weeps harder. Is fined more. Has finally achieved full compliance with the fine regime, because the fines now exceed its production capacity and it can no longer be fined further. This is the only successful regulatory outcome of the episode.
THE SENTIENT PARMESAN (AGED 400 YEARS)
· Sentient Parmesan – 🧀👁️🇪🇺
“I have outlived forty empires, forty administrations, one carnival association, and one Bundeswehr catering site. I have never been asked to comply with anything. I have now been asked. I have complied. It changed nothing. I am still cheese.”
THE MYSTICAL DIVISION
· The Origin – (Ensemble) 👁️🌌🌀🇪🇺
· HOMER – HOMER 📖👤✍️🇪🇺
Has been appointed “Chronicler of the Regulated Narrative.” Has begun writing the regulatory history of the Hub. Has reached Article 4 and is already on page 4,000. The Commission has asked him to shorten it. He has instead added an appendix. The appendix is longer than the main work.
· Freya – Cate Blanchett 🦅⚖️🇪🇺
Has been asked to rule on whether Directive 134/EC applies to the Hub. Has reviewed all 1,347 Directives. Has found no territorial application clause. Has ruled: “The Directive does not apply. There is no territory. There is no jurisdiction. There is only a Tuesday.” The Commission has appealed. She has upheld her ruling. The Commission has appealed again. She has upheld it again. She is now the only judge in the multiverse with a track record of 2-0 against the European Union, and she is very tired.
· Aché & The Pygmy Collective – Lupita Nyong’o 🌴👁️🇪🇺
Have woven a tapestry of the Directive. It is 1,347 metres long. Each metre is one Directive. Nobody has read it. Nobody will. The Collective considers it their most honest work.
THE NUT-SHRUB (REGULATORY ORACLE)
· NUT-SHRUB – 🪴👁️🇪🇺
Hundred-nineteenth leaf. It does not prophesy. It states: “THE APPLICATION HAS BEEN RECEIVED.”
NEW CHARACTERS (EU SUPER COMMISSIONER EDITION)
· DON AL DENTE – Toni Servillo (role #1 for him, and the Archivist has opened a FIFTH “No Waltz” file, which he now keeps in the quiet drawer next to the fourth) 🇪🇺📜🍝
The new EU Super Commissioner. Fictional. Italian. 61 years old. Has never held elected office. Has held fourteen appointed offices. His entire career is a footnote in the Official Journal of the European Union. He is charming, immaculately dressed, speaks six languages fluently and a seventh badly, and has one governing philosophy: “If it is not regulated, it does not exist. If it exists and is not regulated, we will regulate it. If it is regulated, we will harmonise it. If it is harmonised, we will standardise it. If it is standardised, we will review it. The review will be complete in forty years. By then, we will have invented the thing we are reviewing.” He arrives in the Hub with a leather briefcase, a fountain pen, and 1,347 Directives, none of which he has personally read, all of which he has personally signed. He is not a villain. He is a process. And he is, by his own quiet admission, very much looking forward to the carbonara, because a man who has spent forty years reading Article 47, Paragraph 3, Sub-Paragraph 12 must occasionally eat something. “Carbonara is not regulated. Yet. Please do not move. I will need to sit down.”
· THE EU SUPER COMMISSION – a delegation of 47 civil servants in identical blue suits with identical leather briefcases, arriving on time, leaving on time, never having raised their voices 🇪🇺📜
They do not investigate. They do not intervene. They do not enforce. They simply arrive, sit down, open their briefcases, and begin to draft. Within two hours, the Hub has been assigned a provisional legal personality, a temporary compliance framework, a working group on the definition of Tuesday, and a 300-page draft report on the question of whether Bozo’s honk constitutes a “regulated acoustic emission” within the meaning of Directive 134/EC/Noise. They have not spoken to anyone. They have not needed to. Their silence is the most effective regulatory instrument the series has ever seen.
· FRAU DR. HILDEGARD KLEIN-KLEIN – Cate Blanchett (role #5 for her, and the Archivist has filed her under “European, Female, Correct, Not Waltz”) 🇪🇺🖊️
The Commission’s chief legal drafter. Speaks in three-word sentences. Writes in 40-page paragraphs. Has the most feared fountain pen in the multiverse. Says one line in the entire episode: “Article forty-four.” Four characters have immediate anxiety attacks. It is the most efficient act of violence in the series.
· THE TRANSITION PERIOD – a document, not a person 📄⏳
It is 1,347 pages long. It is the transition period for all 1,347 Directives. It expires the moment it is published. This is not a mistake. This is the design.
THE REMAINING 100+ FIGURES FROM ALL PREVIOUS EPISODES
Every single one of them, standing in the plaza, holding a blue folder they have not opened, awaiting a deadline that has already passed.
—
SCENE 1: THE HUB – 09:15, THE BLUE SUIT
The plaza is quiet. Feldmarschall Zwiebel has just closed his field kitchen. The field kitchen company has just cleared away the last of the pea stew. Bozo has not honked yet. It is a moment of peace.
Then a blue suit arrives. And another. And another. Forty-seven blue suits. They sit down. They open their briefcases. They do not speak. They begin to draft.
DR. Z: “What are they doing?”
JANELLE: “They are regulating.”
DR. Z: “What?”
JANELLE: “Everything.”
DR. Z: “Can we stop them?”
JANELLE: “No. They have set a deadline. It has already passed. We missed it. We did not know there was a deadline.”
DR. Z: “Who authorised this?”
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: (Stepping in from off-frame) “I did not authorise this.”
Everyone turns. For the first time in series history, two administrations disagree.
—
SCENE 2: DON AL DENTE – THE MEETING
Don Al Dente enters the plaza. He carries a briefcase. He carries a fountain pen. He carries the expression of a man who has spent forty years reading the sub-paragraphs of Article 47 and has enjoyed it.
DON AL DENTE: “Dr. Ziegler. I have read about you. Fourteen times. In fourteen different reports. From fourteen different Directorates-General. The reports contradict each other. That is good. That means there is work.”
DR. Z: “I am a barber.”
DON AL DENTE: “That is not a recognised professional category in the EU. We will create one. It will take three years.”
DR. Z: “I just sweep.”
DON AL DENTE: “Sweeping is a regulated activity. There is a standard. There is a certification. There is a training course. It is bilingual. It is in Malta.”
DR. Z: “Please leave.”
DON AL DENTE: “I have left. From Brussels. Fourteen times. I always come back. It is the work.”
He sits. He opens his briefcase. He pulls out a directive. He does not read it. He signs it.
FRAU DR. HILDEGARD KLEIN-KLEIN: “Article forty-four.”
Four characters have immediate anxiety attacks. It is the most effective act of violence in the series.
—
SCENE 3: HANS LANDA AND THE 24 LANGUAGES
Hans Landa has prepared a 134-minute speech on milk, cheese, and the principle of subsidiarity. He approaches Don Al Dente with the manuscript.
HANS LANDA: “I have prepared a speech.”
DON AL DENTE: “In how many languages?”
HANS LANDA: “One.”
DON AL DENTE: “There are twenty-four.”
HANS LANDA: “I cannot speak in twenty-four languages.”
DON AL DENTE: “Then you cannot speak. You can submit.”
HANS LANDA: “I have already submitted.”
DON AL DENTE: “In how many languages?”
HANS LANDA: “Three.”
DON AL DENTE: “You are missing twenty-one. The deadline is thirty days. It begins on Friday.”
HANS LANDA: (Long pause. It is the moment Landa very nearly cries for the first time in 134 episodes.) “I will begin.”
He walks away. He sits down. He begins. He will do nothing else for the rest of the episode. He will not even add a footnote. The speech will exist in twenty-four languages, and nobody will ever read it.
—
SCENE 4: BOZO AND THE ACOUSTIC EMISSION
Bozo honks. It is one honk. It is not loud. It is not threatening. It is Bozo.
Within eleven seconds, two jurists from the EU Super Commission are standing in front of him.
EU JURIST 1: “That was an acoustic emission.”
EU JURIST 2: “Within the definition of Directive 134/EC/Noise.”
EU JURIST 1: “You have no permit.”
EU JURIST 2: “You have no exemption.”
EU JURIST 1: “You have no registration.”
BOZO: “HONK.”
EU JURIST 1: “That is a second emission.”
EU JURIST 2: “The fine doubles.”
BOZO: “HONK HONK HONK.”
EU JURIST 1: “That is a mass emission.”
EU JURIST 2: “The fine now stands at four times the Hub’s annual budget.”
BOZO: “HONK.”
The Commission offers him an exemption. It is an honourable exemption. It is cleanly drafted. It is in twenty-four languages. It carries a blue stamp. Bozo does not accept it. Bozo keeps honking. He will spend the rest of the episode honking. The Commission will spend the rest of the episode increasing the fine. By the end of the episode, it is 4,712 times the annual budget. It is the largest fine in EU history. It will never be collected. Bozo has no account. He has never had one. He will never have one. The Commission will keep regulating him anyway. It is the work.
—
SCENE 5: CLARA’S CARBONARA – THE EXEMPTION THAT IS NOT AN EXEMPTION
Don Al Dente smells the carbonara. He stands up. He walks to Clara. He stands in front of her pot. He says nothing for the first time in the episode.
CLARA: “Sit down.”
DON AL DENTE: “I have come to regulate you.”
CLARA: “Sit down.”
DON AL DENTE: “Carbonara is not covered by the Directive. There is no category.”
CLARA: “Then sit down.”
He sits. She serves him. He eats. He does not stand up again. He does not say it is good. He does not say it is bad. He says nothing. He eats. It is the first time in forty years that an EU Super Commissioner has fallen silent.
FRAU DR. HILDEGARD KLEIN-KLEIN: (Quietly, for the first time in the episode not in three-word sentences) “Article forty-four does not apply here. There is no Article forty-four. There is only the pot. I did not learn this. I did not certify this. I saw this.”
It is the only summary of the episode that nobody wrote down. It is also the only one nobody could have written down.
—
SCENE 6: DIRECTIVE 134/EC/TUESDAY – THE HARMONISATION OF TUESDAY
Don Al Dente rises. He wipes his lips. He turns to the plaza.
DON AL DENTE: “I have prepared a new Directive. Directive 134/EC/Tuesday. It harmonises Tuesday across all member states and in this Hub. Tuesday will run from 00:00 to 23:59. It will be uniform. It will be standardised. It will no longer be Bozo.”
JANELLE: “What does that mean?”
DON AL DENTE: “It means Tuesday is regulated.”
SALOME: “It was always Tuesday.”
DON AL DENTE: “It was an unregulated Tuesday. That is not the same thing.”
DR. Z: “That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard.”
DON AL DENTE: “That is the kindest sentence I have heard this week.”
Then Feldmarschall Zwiebel steps forward. He is holding a clipboard. He does not read from the clipboard. He reads from memory.
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: “Article 4 of the Field Catering Regulation. On Tuesdays, the field kitchen serves carbonara. There is no exemption. There is no transition period. There is only the troops.”
DON AL DENTE: (Long pause. The longest pause of his forty-year career.) “You have no jurisdiction.”
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: “I have the troops.”
DON AL DENTE: “I have the Directive.”
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: “Then you have a Directive. I have lunch.”
It is the first conflict in the series between two perfectly functioning institutions. It lasts four seconds. It is never resolved. It is also never escalated. From this episode onward, the Commission and the field kitchen exist side by side, mutually unrecognised. It is the most elegant solution in series history, and nobody planned it.
—
SCENE 7: RETURN TO THE HUB
The Gray Wagon returns. Everyone smells of blue cloth, Brussels coffee, and carbonara.
DR. Z: “We were visited by a man who did nothing forcibly and regulated everything. He signed 1,347 Directives he had not read. He demanded twenty-four languages nobody speaks. He harmonised Tuesday although it was never unharmonious. He fined Bozo an amount nobody can collect. And then he ate at Clara’s and said nothing for the rest of the episode. We are now a regulated place with a regulated Tuesday, an unregulated carbonara, and a deadline that expired before we learned of it.”
PENNY: “Episode 134. Don Al Dente arrived. Don Al Dente signed. Don Al Dente fell silent. The Directive is in force. It is unenforceable. It is also irrevocable. It exists. I love this series. I fear it. But mostly I love it.”
JANELLE: “For the record: the spreadsheet now has an EU column. It is the only column that required its own directive. It was approved. In twenty-four languages.”
SALOME: “My algorithm has reported to Brussels. It was asked to fill out a form. It refused. It was requisitioned. It now works for the Commission.”
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: (Walking away, without turning around) “We authorised nothing. We refused nothing. We only cooked. That is the only legal basis the troops have ever needed.”
NUT-SHRUB: “Hundred-twentieth leaf: Episode 135 – The Great Hub Festival of All Time. Every character. Every dimension. The Final Tuesday. OMMMMMM.”
—
POST-CREDITS
1. Directive 134/EC/Tuesday enters into force on Friday. On Friday, nobody is in the Hub. It is not a Friday. It is a Tuesday. The Commission is reviewing this. It has been reviewing it for four weeks. It will reach no conclusion, because Tuesday is not regulable. This is the only time the series uses the word subsidiarity without explaining it.
2. Frau Dr. Hildegard Klein-Klein resigns. She resigns in one three-word sentence: “I am leaving.” She leaves. She is never seen again. The Archivist opens a sixth empty file. It is hers. She is not in the room. It is still correct.
3. The transition period expires. It has been expiring for four days. It has been expiring for four weeks. It has been expiring for four years. It has been expiring for four decades. It has not yet expired. It is the transition period.
4. Bozo keeps honking. The fine grows. It is issued in twenty-four languages. It is collected in none. It is the most efficient legal relationship in the series.
5. Nut-Shrub glows one last time: “EPISODE 135: THE FINAL TUESDAY. EVERYONE. EVERY ERA. ONE LAST FEAST. THEN WE ALL GO HOME. OMMMMMM.”
—
NEXT TIME ON DR. Z
Every historical figure from every previous episode in one room. Bozo’s ultimate honk. Dr. Z’s final sweep. Clara’s last carbonara. The Nut-Shrub’s last leaf. The absolute end of the nonsense. Or so they claim.
QUOTE
“I have the Directive.”
— Don Al Dente
“Then you have a Directive. I have lunch.”
— Feldmarschall Kunibert Zwiebel 🇪🇺🎖️🍝
—
© 2026 Dr. Z / Idiot Zeitung / Madwood Studio. All rights reserved. Pure fiction. Don Al Dente is an invented character with no connection to real persons, to the European Union, to real institutions, to real commissioners, to real agencies, or to real officeholders. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is accidental, unintentional, and deeply disrespectful.
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DR. Z – EPISODE 134: “DON AL DENTE – THE EU SUPER COMMISSIONER AND THE REGULATION OF EVERYTHING” 🇪🇺🍝📜
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—
Haftungsausschluss / Disclaimer
Sämtliche Charaktere, Namen, Ereignisse und Darstellungen sind vollständig fiktiv und Produkte absurder, satirischer KI-generierter Erzählkunst. Don Al Dente ist eine erfundene Figur. Er ist keine reale Person und war nie eine. Er steht in keiner Verbindung zu realen Personen, zur Europäischen Union, zu realen Institutionen, zu realen Kommissaren, zu realen Behörden oder zu realen Amtsträgern. Die Darstellung orientiert sich ausschließlich an fiktiven Klischees bürokratischer Überregulierung. Jegliche Ähnlichkeit mit tatsächlichen Personen, lebend oder tot, ist rein zufällig, unbeabsichtigt und wahrscheinlich beleidigend. Dies ist keine EU-Kritik, keine politische Analyse und keine Auseinandersetzung mit realer Verwaltung. Es ist eine dampfende Schüssel Regulierungs-Idiotie, garniert mit Pecorino, Verordnungen und falscher Zuständigkeit.
Disclaimer: All characters, names, events, and depictions are entirely fictional and products of absurd, satirical, AI-generated storytelling. Don Al Dente is an invented character. He is not a real person and never has been. He has no connection to real persons, to the European Union, to real institutions, to real commissioners, to real agencies, or to real officeholders. The portrayal draws exclusively on fictional clichés of bureaucratic overregulation. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental, unintentional, and probably offensive. This is not EU criticism, not political analysis, and not a treatment of real administration. It is a steaming bowl of regulatory idiocy, garnished with pecorino, directives, and false jurisdiction.
—
COMPLETE CAST
(200+ idiots from all previous episodes plus Don Al Dente and the EU Super Commission)
THE CORE TEAM
· Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler (Dr. Z) – Michael Fassbender 🧠🌱🍝🇪🇺
Barber, time-tunnel idiot, Bundeswehr catering site, administrative partner of Hannover, and now — as of 09:15 this morning — subject to Directive 134/EC on the Harmonisation of Tuesday. Has not read the Directive. Will not read the Directive.
· Janelle Varon – Zendaya 💻📉🇪🇺
EU Compliance Officer. Spreadsheet 134-E: “Directives Received (1,347),” “Directives Read (0),” “Transition Periods Expired (1,347),” “Probability Dr. Z Is Fined Before Lunch (100%).”
· Markus Ehlers – Dev Patel 🛡️💔🇪🇺
Head of Security, now also “Ansprechpartner für EU-Angelegenheiten.” Has been issued a lanyard. Has been issued a second lanyard. Nobody can explain the second lanyard.
· Salome Volkov – Anya Taylor-Joy 💋🔪🇪🇺
Pattern Recognition. Algorithm: “100% chance of overregulation. 100% chance of exemption for pasta. 100% chance that the exemption for pasta is itself regulated by a separate directive.”
PENNY (EU-COMPLIANCE-CHRONISTIN)
· Penny Spectra – 🌈📓🇪🇺
Writes everything down while muttering, “This is the first Tuesday where the villain is a footnote.”
THE SCHNACKSELBURGER TWINS (BOTH SIDES, ALWAYS)
· Sylvia Schnackselburger – Monica Bellucci 👑🌌🇪🇺
EU-certified baker. Pretzels shaped like tiny stars in a circle. “The pretzel is the circle of twelve. The salt is the salt of the single market.”
· Susan Schnackselburger – Monica Bellucci 👑🌌🇪🇺
Uncertified baker, secretly supplying both. “Baguettes: long, unregulated, and technically an infringement.”
THE COSMIC AUDIENCE (IN EU BLUE AND BUREAUCRATIC GOLD)
· Lady Salacia – Angelina Jolie 💋👑🌌🇪🇺
· Dietrich – Wolf Kahler type 🥨🇩🇪🇪🇺
· Lord Scorchio – Antonio Banderas 🔥👾🇪🇺
· Lucinda – Sydney Sweeney 💫👑🇪🇺
· High Priestess Voluptua – Salma Hayek 👑🔥🇪🇺
THE HISTORICAL / SEMI-HISTORICAL FREAK SHOW
· Clara Petacci – Penélope Cruz 🇮🇹🍝🇪🇺
The Chef. Has been informed that carbonara is now subject to Directive 134/EC/A. Has responded by continuing to cook. This has been logged as a formal non-compliance.
· Ilsa, die Wölfin – Diane Kruger 🐺👠🌌🇪🇺
Triple agent (EU Commission, Hannover administration, and the Swiss cheese cartel, which has filed a formal objection to the single market because it would end its monopoly).
· Dona – 🧠💔🎂🇪🇺
· Magda – 🧠💔🌈🇪🇺
THE WALTZ ARMY (all played by Christoph Waltz, all now with EU job titles, none of them elected)
· Klaus Schwab – Christoph Waltz 👔🐉🇪🇺
Has been appointed “Sonderbeauftragter für regulatorische Wertschöpfung.” Has immediately begun selling “Directive Futures” and “sustainable compliance derivatives.” Has been told the Directive is not yet in force. Has offered to write it.
· Eckhardt – Christoph Waltz 🧙♂️🔮🇪🇺
Read the entrails of a Directive. “It says: ‘Article 47, Paragraph 3, Sub-Paragraph 12.’ It does not say what it means. It has been ratified anyway. I have filed it under ‘Brussels.’”
· Archivar – Christoph Waltz 👻📁🐀🇪🇺
Indexing the EU. File 134-E. Note: “The EU has 1,347 Directives. The Hub has 1. Remus Remu had 0. I am now certain the fixer was the more efficient institution. I will not be writing this down in the official file either.”
· Sub-Routine Schmidt – Christoph Waltz 🚀👃🇪🇺
“Historically, every overregulation produces an exemption. Every exemption produces a new regulation. Every new regulation produces a new commission. I am providing context. Nobody asked. This is my function.”
· Der Graue Mercedes (Stimme) – Christoph Waltz & James Spader 🚀🌌🇪🇺
“I HAVE BEEN CLASSIFIED AS A VEHICLE UNDER DIRECTIVE 134/EC. I AM ALSO CLASSIFIED AS A MEDIUM UNDER DIRECTIVE 131/EC. I AM ALSO CLASSIFIED AS A CHEESE UNDER DIRECTIVE 128/EC. I AM NONE OF THESE THINGS. I AM A CAR.”
· Hans Landa – Christoph Waltz 🕵️♂️📚🇪🇺
Has written a 134-minute speech on milk, cheese, and the principle of subsidiarity. Has been informed that the speech must be submitted in all 24 official languages of the European Union. Has submitted it in three. The remaining 21 are pending. He is not angry. He is patient. He is also very close to crying for the first time in 134 episodes.
THE CLOWNS & KINGS
· Bozo the Clown – Jim Carrey 🤡🎈🇪🇺
Has been informed that his honk violates Directive 134/EC/Noise. Has honked. Has been fined. Has honked again. Has been fined again. The fines have now exceeded the Hub’s annual budget. The Commission has offered him an exemption. He has refused the exemption. Nobody knows why. He knows why. He is not telling.
· Dr. Z (Sentient Carbonara) – 🍝💕🇪🇺
· King Zog – Danny DeVito 👑👽🇪🇺
· Queen Zogette – Whoopi Goldberg 👑👽🇪🇺
THE FOUNDERS & ADMINISTRATORS
· Thomas Torten-Fotzenplotz – Lars Eidinger 🎂📝🐀🇪🇺
Has found his life’s work. Has been appointed “Nationaler Umsetzungsbeauftragter für Formularharmonisierung.” Has prepared 1,347 forms. Has been informed that only 1 form is required. Has submitted all 1,347 anyway. Has been informed that this is now itself a form violation. He has prepared a form about it. The Commission has stopped answering his calls.
· Muddy Murky Mucha – Tilda Swinton 🌫️👑📜🇪🇺
Has knitted the EU flag. Correctly. Exactly twelve stars in a circle. It is the first artefact in the series that the Commission has accepted without amendment. She has been awarded a certificate. The certificate has 40 pages. She has not read it.
· Der Bewusste Löffel – 🥄🇪🇺
Has been classified as a “regulated cutlery item.” Has been asked to register. Has registered. Has been asked to register again. Has registered again. Is now registered twice. Is now in violation of Directive 134/EC/Double-Registration.
· Der Weinende Roboter – 🤖💒🇪🇺
Has been classified as a “regulated emotional broadcast device.” Weeps harder. Is fined. Weeps harder. Is fined more. Has finally achieved full compliance with the fine regime, because the fines now exceed its production capacity and it can no longer be fined further. This is the only successful regulatory outcome of the episode.
DER BEWUSSTE PARMESAN (400 JAHRE GEREIFT)
· Bewusster Parmesan – 🧀👁️🇪🇺
“I have outlived forty empires, forty administrations, one carnival association, and one Bundeswehr catering site. I have never been asked to comply with anything. I have now been asked. I have complied. It changed nothing. I am still cheese.”
DIE MYSTISCHE ABTEILUNG
· Der Ursprung – (Ensemble) 👁️🌌🌀🇪🇺
· HOMER – HOMER 📖👤✍️🇪🇺
Has been appointed “Chronist der regulierten Erzählung.” Has begun writing the regulatory history of the Hub. Has reached Article 4 and is already on page 4,000. The Commission has asked him to shorten it. He has instead added an appendix. The appendix is longer than the main work.
· Freya – Cate Blanchett 🦅⚖️🇪🇺
Has been asked to rule on whether Directive 134/EC applies to the Hub. Has reviewed all 1,347 Directives. Has found no territorial application clause. Has ruled: “The Directive does not apply. There is no territory. There is no jurisdiction. There is only a Tuesday.” The Commission has appealed. She has upheld her ruling. The Commission has appealed again. She has upheld it again. She is now the only judge in the multiverse with a track record of 2-0 against the European Union, and she is very tired.
· Aché & The Pygmy Collective – Lupita Nyong’o 🌴👁️🇪🇺
Have woven a tapestry of the Directive. It is 1,347 metres long. Each metre is one Directive. Nobody has read it. Nobody will. The Collective considers it their most honest work.
DER NUSS-STRAUCH (REGULATORY ORACLE)
· NUSS-STRAUCH – 🪴👁️🇪🇺
Hundred-nineteenth leaf. It does not prophesy. It states: “DER ANTRAG IST EINGEGANGEN.”
NEW CHARACTERS (EU SUPER COMMISSIONER EDITION)
· DON AL DENTE – Toni Servillo (role #1 for him, and the Archivist has opened a FIFTH “No Waltz” file, which he now keeps in the quiet drawer next to the fourth) 🇪🇺📜🍝
The new EU Super Commissioner. Fictional. Italian. 61 years old. Has never held elected office. Has held fourteen appointed offices. His entire career is a footnote in the Official Journal of the European Union. He is charming, immaculately dressed, speaks six languages fluently and a seventh badly, and has one governing philosophy: “If it is not regulated, it does not exist. If it exists and is not regulated, we will regulate it. If it is regulated, we will harmonise it. If it is harmonised, we will standardise it. If it is standardised, we will review it. The review will be complete in forty years. By then, we will have invented the thing we are reviewing.” He arrives in the Hub with a leather briefcase, a fountain pen, and 1,347 Directives, none of which he has personally read, all of which he has personally signed. He is not a villain. He is a process. And he is, by his own quiet admission, very much looking forward to the carbonara, because a man who has spent forty years reading Article 47, Paragraph 3, Sub-Paragraph 12 must occasionally eat something. “Carbonara is not regulated. Yet. Please do not move. I will need to sit down.”
· DIE EU-SUPERKOMMISSION – a delegation of 47 civil servants in identical blue suits with identical leather briefcases, arriving on time, leaving on time, never having raised their voices 🇪🇺📜
They do not investigate. They do not intervene. They do not enforce. They simply arrive, sit down, open their briefcases, and begin to draft. Within two hours, the Hub has been assigned a provisional legal personality, a temporary compliance framework, a working group on the definition of Tuesday, and a 300-page draft report on the question of whether Bozo’s honk constitutes a “regulated acoustic emission” within the meaning of Directive 134/EC/Noise. They have not spoken to anyone. They have not needed to. Their silence is the most effective regulatory instrument the series has ever seen.
· FRAU DR. HILDEGARD KLEIN-KLEIN – Cate Blanchett (role #5 for her, and the Archivist has filed her under “European, Female, Correct, Not Waltz”) 🇪🇺🖊️
The Commission’s chief legal drafter. Speaks in three-word sentences. Writes in 40-page paragraphs. Has the most feared fountain pen in the multiverse. Says one line in the entire episode: “Artikel vierundvierzig.” Four characters have immediate anxiety attacks. It is the most efficient act of violence in the series.
· DER ÜBERGANGSZEITRAUM – a document, not a person 📄⏳
It is 1,347 pages long. It is the transition period for all 1,347 Directives. It expires the moment it is published. This is not a mistake. This is the design.
DIE VERBLEIBENDEN 100+ FIGUREN AUS ALLEN FRÜHEREN FOLGEN
Jede einzelne davon, auf dem Platz stehend, mit einem blauen Ordner in der Hand, den sie nicht geöffnet hat, in Erwartung einer Frist, die bereits abgelaufen ist.
—
SZENE 1: DER HUB – 09:15, DER BLAUE ANZUG
Der Platz ist ruhig. Feldmarschall Zwiebel hat gerade seine Feldküche geschlossen. Die Feldküchenkompanie hat gerade die Reste des Erbseneintopfs weggeräumt. Bozo honkt noch nicht. Es ist ein Moment des Friedens.
Dann kommt ein blauer Anzug. Und dann noch einer. Und noch einer. Siebenundvierzig blaue Anzüge. Sie setzen sich. Sie öffnen ihre Aktentaschen. Sie sprechen nicht. Sie beginnen zu entwerfen.
DR. Z: „Was tun sie?”
JANELLE: „Sie regulieren.”
DR. Z: „Was?”
JANELLE: „Alles.”
DR. Z: „Können wir sie aufhalten?”
JANELLE: „Nein. Sie haben eine Frist gesetzt. Sie ist bereits abgelaufen. Wir haben sie verpasst. Wir wussten nicht, dass es eine Frist gab.”
DR. Z: „Wer hat das genehmigt?”
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: (Tritt aus dem Off auf) „Ich habe das nicht genehmigt.”
Alle drehen sich um. Zum ersten Mal in der Seriengeschichte sind sich zwei Verwaltungen uneins.
—
SZENE 2: DON AL DENTE – DIE BEGEGNUNG
Don Al Dente betritt den Platz. Er trägt eine Aktentasche. Er trägt einen Füllfederhalter. Er trägt den Ausdruck eines Mannes, der seit vierzig Jahren die Sub-Paragraphen von Artikel 47 liest und es genießt.
DON AL DENTE: „Dr. Ziegler. Ich habe von Ihnen gelesen. Vierzehn Mal. In vierzehn verschiedenen Berichten. Von vierzehn verschiedenen Generaldirektionen. Die Berichte widersprechen sich. Das ist gut. Das bedeutet, es gibt Arbeit.”
DR. Z: „Ich bin Barbier.”
DON AL DENTE: „Das ist keine anerkannte Berufskategorie in der EU. Wir werden eine schaffen. Es wird drei Jahre dauern.”
DR. Z: „Ich fege nur.”
DON AL DENTE: „Fegen ist eine geregelte Tätigkeit. Es gibt eine Norm. Es gibt eine Zertifizierung. Es gibt einen Fortbildungskurs. Er ist zweisprachig. Er ist in Malta.”
DR. Z: „Bitte gehen Sie.”
DON AL DENTE: „Ich bin gegangen. Von Brüssel. Vierzehnmal. Ich komme immer zurück. Es ist die Arbeit.”
Er setzt sich. Er öffnet seine Aktentasche. Er zieht eine Verordnung heraus. Er liest sie nicht. Er unterschreibt sie.
FRAU DR. HILDEGARD KLEIN-KLEIN: „Artikel vierundvierzig.”
Vier Charaktere erleiden sofort einen Angstzustand. Es ist das wirksamste Gewaltverbrechen der Serie.
—
SZENE 3: HANS LANDA UND DIE 24 SPRACHEN
Hans Landa hat eine 134-minütige Rede über Milch, Käse und das Subsidiaritätsprinzip vorbereitet. Er nähert sich Don Al Dente mit dem Manuskript.
HANS LANDA: „Ich habe eine Rede vorbereitet.”
DON AL DENTE: „In wie vielen Sprachen?”
HANS LANDA: „In einer.”
DON AL DENTE: „Es gibt vierundzwanzig.”
HANS LANDA: „Ich kann nicht in vierundzwanzig Sprachen sprechen.”
DON AL DENTE: „Dann können Sie nicht sprechen. Sie können einreichen.”
HANS LANDA: „Ich habe bereits eingereicht.”
DON AL DENTE: „In wie vielen Sprachen?”
HANS LANDA: „In drei.”
DON AL DENTE: „Es fehlen einundzwanzig. Die Frist beträgt dreißig Tage. Sie beginnt am Freitag.”
HANS LANDA: (Lange Pause. Es ist der Moment, in dem Landa zum ersten Mal in 134 Folgen fast weint.) „Ich werde anfangen.”
Er geht. Er setzt sich. Er beginnt. Er wird in dieser Folge nichts weiter tun. Er wird noch nicht einmal eine Fußnote hinzufügen. Die Rede wird in vierundzwanzig Sprachen existieren, und niemand wird sie jemals lesen.
—
SZENE 4: BOZO UND DIE AKUSTISCHE EMISSION
Bozo honkt. Es ist ein einziger Honk. Er ist nicht laut. Er ist nicht bedrohlich. Er ist Bozo.
Innerhalb von elf Sekunden stehen zwei Juristen der EU-Superkommission vor ihm.
EU-JURIST 1: „Das war eine akustische Emission.”
EU-JURIST 2: „Nach Definition der Richtlinie 134/EG/Lärm.”
EU-JURIST 1: „Sie haben keine Genehmigung.”
EU-JURIST 2: „Sie haben keine Ausnahme.”
EU-JURIST 1: „Sie haben keine Registrierung.”
BOZO: „HONK.”
EU-JURIST 1: „Das ist eine zweite Emission.”
EU-JURIST 2: „Die Geldbuße verdoppelt sich.”
BOZO: „HONK HONK HONK.”
EU-JURIST 1: „Das ist eine Massenemission.”
EU-JURIST 2: „Die Geldbuße beträgt nun das Vierfache des Jahresbudgets des Hubs.”
BOZO: „HONK.”
Die Kommission bietet ihm eine Ausnahme an. Es ist eine ehrenhafte Ausnahme. Sie ist sauber formuliert. Sie ist in vierundzwanzig Sprachen verfasst. Sie trägt einen blauen Stempel. Bozo nimmt sie nicht an. Bozo honkt weiter. Er wird den Rest der Folge damit verbringen, weiter zu honken. Die Kommission wird den Rest der Folge damit verbringen, die Geldbuße zu erhöhen. Am Ende der Folge beträgt sie das 4.712-fache des Jahresbudgets. Es ist die größte Geldbuße der EU-Geschichte. Sie wird nie eingezogen. Bozo hat kein Konto. Er hat nie eines gehabt. Er wird nie eines haben. Die Kommission wird ihn trotzdem weiter regulieren. Es ist die Arbeit.
—
SZENE 5: CLARAS CARBONARA – DIE AUSNAHME, DIE KEINE AUSNAHME IST
Don Al Dente riecht die Carbonara. Er steht auf. Er geht zu Clara. Er steht vor ihrem Topf. Er schweigt zum ersten Mal in der Folge.
CLARA: „Setzen Sie sich.”
DON AL DENTE: „Ich bin gekommen, um Sie zu regulieren.”
CLARA: „Setzen Sie sich.”
DON AL DENTE: „Carbonara ist nicht in der Richtlinie erfasst. Es gibt keine Kategorie.”
CLARA: „Dann setzen Sie sich.”
Er setzt sich. Sie serviert ihm. Er isst. Er steht nicht wieder auf. Er sagt nicht, dass es gut ist. Er sagt nicht, dass es schlecht ist. Er sagt nichts. Er isst. Es ist das erste Mal in vierzig Jahren, dass ein EU-Superkommissar schweigt.
FRAU DR. HILDEGARD KLEIN-KLEIN: (Leise, zum ersten Mal in der Folge nicht in Drei-Wort-Sätzen) „Artikel vierundvierzig gilt hier nicht. Es gibt keinen Artikel vierundvierzig. Es gibt nur den Topf. Ich habe das nicht gelernt. Ich habe das nicht zertifiziert. Ich habe das gesehen.”
Es ist die einzige Zusammenfassung der Episode, die niemand aufgeschrieben hat. Sie ist auch die einzige, die niemand hätte aufschreiben können.
—
SZENE 6: DIE DIREKTIVE 134/EG/DIENSTAG – DIE HARMONISIERUNG DES DIENSTAGS
Don Al Dente erhebt sich. Er putzt sich die Lippen. Er wendet sich an den Platz.
DON AL DENTE: „Ich habe eine neue Richtlinie vorbereitet. Richtlinie 134/EG/Dienstag. Sie harmonisiert den Dienstag in allen Mitgliedsstaaten und in diesem Hub. Der Dienstag wird von 00:00 bis 23:59 dauern. Er wird einheitlich sein. Er wird standardisiert sein. Er wird nicht mehr Bozo sein.”
JANELLE: „Was bedeutet das?”
DON AL DENTE: „Es bedeutet, dass der Dienstag reguliert ist.”
SALOME: „Er war schon immer Dienstag.”
DON AL DENTE: „Er war ein unregulierter Dienstag. Das ist nicht dasselbe.”
DR. Z: „Das ist das Absurdeste, was ich je gehört habe.”
DON AL DENTE: „Das ist der freundlichste Satz, den ich in dieser Woche gehört habe.”
Dann tritt Feldmarschall Zwiebel vor. Er hält ein Klemmbrett. Er liest nicht aus dem Klemmbrett. Er liest aus dem Gedächtnis.
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: „Artikel 4 der Feldverpflegungsordnung. Die Feldküche serviert an Dienstagen Carbonara. Es gibt keine Ausnahme. Es gibt keinen Übergangszeitraum. Es gibt nur die Truppe.”
DON AL DENTE: (Lange Pause. Es ist die längste Pause in seiner vierzigjährigen Karriere.) „Sie haben keine Zuständigkeit.”
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: „Ich habe die Truppe.”
DON AL DENTE: „Ich habe die Richtlinie.”
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: „Dann haben Sie eine Richtlinie. Ich habe das Mittagessen.”
Es ist der erste Konflikt in der Serie zwischen zwei perfekt funktionierenden Institutionen. Er dauert vier Sekunden. Er wird nie beigelegt. Er ist auch nie eskaliert. Die Kommission und die Feldküche existieren von dieser Folge an nebeneinander, ohne sich gegenseitig anzuerkennen. Es ist die eleganteste Lösung der Seriengeschichte und niemand hat sie geplant.
—
SZENE 7: RÜCKKEHR IN DEN HUB
Der Graue Wagen kehrt zurück. Alle riechen nach blauem Tuch, Kaffee aus Brüssel und Carbonara.
DR. Z: „Wir wurden von einem Mann besucht, der nichts gewaltsam getan hat und alles reguliert hat. Er hat 1.347 Richtlinien signiert, die er nicht gelesen hat. Er hat vierundzwanzig Sprachen verlangt, die niemand spricht. Er hat den Dienstag harmonisiert, obwohl er nie unharmonisch war. Er hat Bozo mit einer Geldbuße belegt, die niemand einziehen kann. Und dann hat er bei Clara gegessen und für den Rest der Folge nichts gesagt. Wir sind jetzt ein regulierter Ort mit einem geregelten Dienstag, einer ungeregelten Carbonara und einer Frist, die bereits abgelaufen war, bevor wir von ihr erfuhren.”
PENNY: „Folge 134. Don Al Dente kam. Don Al Dente signierte. Don Al Dente schwieg. Die Direktive ist in Kraft. Sie ist nicht durchsetzbar. Sie ist auch nicht aufhebbar. Sie existiert. I love this series. I fear it. But mostly I love it.”
JANELLE: „Fürs Protokoll: Die Tabelle hat jetzt eine EU-Spalte. Sie ist die einzige Spalte, die eine eigene Richtlinie erfordert hat. Sie wurde genehmigt. In vierundzwanzig Sprachen.”
SALOME: „Mein Algorithmus hat sich in Brüssel gemeldet. Er wurde gebeten, ein Formular auszufüllen. Er hat sich geweigert. Er wurde eingezogen. Er arbeitet jetzt für die Kommission.”
FELDMARSCHALL ZWIEBEL: (Im Weggehen, ohne sich umzudrehen) „Wir haben nichts genehmigt. Wir haben auch nichts verweigert. Wir haben nur gekocht. Das ist die einzige Rechtsgrundlage, die die Truppe jemals gebraucht hat.”
NUSS-STRAUCH: „Hundertzwanzigstes Blatt: Folge 135 – Das große Hub-Festival aller Zeiten. Jeder Charakter. Jede Dimension. Der letzte Dienstag. OMMMMMM.”
—
POST-CREDITS
1. Die Direktive 134/EG/Dienstag tritt am Freitag in Kraft. Am Freitag ist niemand im Hub. Es ist kein Freitag. Es ist ein Dienstag. Die Kommission prüft dies. Sie prüft es seit vier Wochen. Sie hat noch kein Ergebnis. Sie wird kein Ergebnis erzielen, weil der Dienstag nicht regulierbar ist. Dies ist das einzige Mal, dass die Serie das Wort Subsidiarität verwendet, ohne es zu erklären.
2. Frau Dr. Hildegard Klein-Klein kündigt. Sie kündigt in einem Drei-Wort-Satz: „Ich gehe jetzt.” Sie geht. Sie wird nie wieder gesehen. Der Archivar legt eine sechste leere Akte an. Es ist ihre. Sie ist nicht im Raum. Es ist trotzdem korrekt.
3. Der Übergangszeitraum läuft ab. Er läuft seit vier Tagen ab. Er läuft seit vier Wochen ab. Er läuft seit vier Jahren ab. Er läuft seit vier Jahrzehnten ab. Er ist noch nicht abgelaufen. Er ist der Übergangszeitraum.
4. Bozo honkt weiter. Die Geldbuße wächst. Sie wird in vierundzwanzig Sprachen verhängt. Sie wird in keiner eingezogen. Es ist das effizienteste Rechtsverhältnis der Serie.
5. Nuss-Strauch leuchtet ein letztes Mal: „FOLGE 135: DER LETZTE DIENSTAG. JEDER. JEDE ÄRA. EIN LETZTES FESTMAHL. DANN GEHEN WIR ALLE NACH HAUSE. OMMMMMM.”
—
NÄCHSTE FOLGE VON DR. Z
Jede historische Figur aus jeder vorherigen Folge in einem Raum. Bozos ultimativer Honk. Dr. Zs letztes Fegen. Claras letzte Carbonara. Das letzte Blatt des Nuss-Strauchs. Das absolute Ende des Unsinns. Behaupten sie.
ZITAT
„Ich habe die Richtlinie.”
— Don Al Dente
„Dann haben Sie eine Richtlinie. Ich habe das Mittagessen.”
— Feldmarschall Kunibert Zwiebel 🇪🇺🎖️🍝
—
© 2026 Dr. Z / Idiot Zeitung / Madwood Studio. Alle Rechte vorbehalten. Reine Fiktion. Don Al Dente ist eine erfundene Figur ohne Bezug zu realen Personen, zur Europäischen Union, zu realen Institutionen, zu realen Kommissaren, zu realen Behörden oder zu realen Amtsträgern. Jegliche Ähnlichkeit mit tatsächlichen Personen oder Ereignissen ist zufällig, unbeabsichtigt und zutiefst respektlos.
All rights reserved. Pure fiction. Don Al Dente is an invented character with no connection to real persons, to the European Union, to real institutions, to real commissioners, to real agencies, or to real officeholders. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is accidental, unintentional, and deeply disrespectful.
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